Every book, program or infomercial about success always seems to start with getting you to move in a certain direction physically, emotionally or spiritually. But even after buying into these kinds of off the shelf plans for your future, many people seem unable to reach the lofty goals suggested by these schemes. Some that do, still find themselves unhappy. So what’s the problem? What’s the real secret to getting somewhere else from where we are in a personal sense?

I get a lot of questions from people who have problems. Most of the problems come down to just one thing. They are unable to abandon a self-destructive behavior or relationship. Any hope they have for personal success or happiness is mired in the muck of their inability to move forward. Life is about moving forward. Those who don’t are often fearful of such a move or the consequences they might have to face as a result of it. People who hate their job remain there for fear they will not find another. People in abusive relationships stay involved for fear of being alone or facing a difficult break-up or painful divorce.

Fear and an inability to move on are the greatest obstacles to personal success. If you are subject to them, then you are a perpetual victim. Not only will you make an extraordinary amount of misery for yourself, but people will see such behavior as weakness and use it against you. The solution to your problems with success are not found on television, in an internet chat room or on the cover of a book. It’s already built into your brain. All you have to do is begin moving forward. We can all learn from our past, but it’s foolish to try and live in it. Success is all about moving forward. So move forward and succeed on your own terms.

The hardest part of moving forward is taking that first step. For many, it’s not an easy or simple one. It might mean ending a relationship, fighting an addiction or embarking on a voyage of self-discovery. Knowing who you are is vital to your personal success. It’s easy for others to tell us to re-invent ourselves, but that’s often just a dead end shortcut to moving forward. There is a big difference between moving on from who and where we are at the moment and trying to be someone we’re not. If you know and can face up to who you are, it’s easier to make a decision about who or where you want to be.

Moving forward is not a license to abandon personal responsibility, it’s a necessary step towards self-growth and improvement. Others in your life have a right to expect you to live up to any reasonable agreements you have made, as long as they are not detrimental to your personal health or safety. But, likewise, you have every right to expect support from them as you try and move forward and make improvements to your personal circumstances.

Too many people find themselves in situations where they are perpetual people-pleasers. Their entire lives revolve around serving and pleasing others. Few people in such a position are there because they want to be and the end result is always total burnout. Those they were pleasing are invariably shocked when a people-pleaser just wears out and shuts down. There is a big difference between being a perpetual people pleaser and being a mentor. The people-pleaser is a workhorse who does for others what they will not do for themselves. The mentor teaches others how to do for themselves.

The reality of finding personal success is that it doesn’t take a village to help you locate a place of individual satisfaction. It requires you to stop living in the past, start planning for the future and make decisions to immediately move forward that take into account who you are, where you are and what you envision yourself to be.